


Just Roommates

by waywardlesbian



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baz pov, Drinking, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Normal AU, Pining, Roommates, The Mage (mentioned) - Freeform, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 08:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardlesbian/pseuds/waywardlesbian
Summary: Baz and Simon are roommates at uni. Simon decides to drag Baz along to a house party and Baz just hopes that he can survive the night without confessing his love for his idiotic roommate.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 8
Kudos: 124





	Just Roommates

**Author's Note:**

> This is lightly inspired by "wish you were sober" by Conan Gray- hope you like it!

“Baz, you’re coming tonight right?” Snow calls out, slamming the door on his way into our dorm room. 

“Why on earth would I do that, Snow?” I snap back, but I can’t stop the smile that always comes out when Snow enters our room. 

He rolls his eyes before falling to his knees in front of me, grabbing my hand. “Please, Baaaz, I’m begging you! I hate going by myself and Penny’s got plans with her group mate later.” 

I scoff outwardly while praying that I’m not blushing too much, “Just have a few drinks and you won’t even remember that you went alone, you’ll be too busy chatting up every single person there.”

“Come on, Bazzy,” he pleads, and I smack his shoulder lightly. He falls to the ground, dramatically shrieking before erupting into a giggling fit. 

“Call me that again, Snow. I dare you.” I threaten, but I’m sure I’m smiling like a lovesick arse. 

“If I promise not to, will you come?” He bargains, grinning up at me from the ground. 

“Christ, if you insist. I will come to whichever ridiculous party you’d like to drag me off to tonight.”

“Cheers, Baz!” He crawls off the ground, “I’m meeting Penny for supper, but I’ll be back by 9, so be ready to go by then!” He beams at me before bounding back out of the room. 

He’s been pleading with me to go to a party with him since the beginning of the spring term. We’d had a bit of an awkward phase when we got put together as roommates in the fall, but being forced into a group project together for one of our shared classes had led to the beginning of a friendship. He demanded my number when we left for break and we texted loads over the holidays. When I got back to our dorm after the break, he carried on as if we’d always been best mates. 

I certainly wasn’t going to complain. I’d been in love with him from the moment he stumbled into our dorm, and being friends with him has been a lot better than being awkward acquaintances was, even if I’d like more. 

I’ve accepted that Snow is terrifically heterosexual, and have learned to pine in silence. (At least around Snow. I’ve talked about him to Dev and Niall so much that they’ve all but banned him as a topic of conversation. Not that they have any right to complain with the way they go on about each other.) 

I pass the time by working on an essay due next week, but I’m a bag of nerves by 8. I spend the remaining hour before Snow comes back picking out clothes and fussing with my hair. I’ve finally decided that I’m decent by the time Snow barges in. 

“Ready, Baz?” He calls out, and I hear what I assume to be the sound of his clothes hitting the wall somewhere near his hamper. Thank Christ I’m still in front of the mirror, he has absolutely no respect for the sensibilities of his roommate that’s hopelessly in love with him. 

“Of course, Snow, I’d never be late!” I call back, although I wait another minute until I think it could be safe to leave the toilets. He’s standing by the door, and grins at me as I walk out. 

“Wow, look at you, mate! Is there a special bloke I don’t know about, or did you get dressed up just for me?” he asks, and I can’t keep myself from blushing. 

“You wish,” I say dryly, rolling my eyes and hoping that I come across as casual. I follow him out the door, and we chat about classes and his dinner with Penny as we walk to wherever the party is. 

“She’s been paired up with this American named Shepard, and she’s absolutely mad about him already. I’ve started planning their wedding.” He complains, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Doesn’t that seem a bit premature? One group project does not mean there’s a wedding on the horizon.” 

“Well as her obvious choice for best man, I have to be prepared!” He declares, “And who says? I think our group project could easily lead to a wedding, don’t you?” 

I nearly choke. “Between who?” I gasp.

“Weren’t you talking to that one bloke still? He kept making eyes at you the whole time we worked on the paper,” Snow states and I immediately feel relieved that he’s so far off base.

“God, you mean Lamb? No way, he’s not my type at all. And I think he transferred back to the States, he said it rained too much here.” 

“Huh. Good riddance, I didn’t like him much anyways.” Snow says, and while I can’t fathom what he would’ve had against Lamb, I’m eager to change the subject.

“So where exactly is this party anyways? I need to know how far I’ll have to carry you home tonight after you have a little too much fun” 

He rolls his eyes. “I think it’s down the next block. And I’ll have you know that I can handle my alcohol just fine, thank you.” 

“Get back to me on that in an hour, Snow. I bet you won’t won’t even be able to say the words.” I’d feel bad for teasing him about this, but he is a notorious light weight. He just shrugs. 

As soon as we turn down the next block, I can tell which house the party's at. All the lights are on, and there's piles of people sprawled across the front lawn. A small part of me had still hoped that this would be something small and a little less overwhelming, but I suppose I really should’ve known better. 

We manage to get to the front door, and I trail behind Snow as he begins pushing through the walls of people towards the kitchen where all of the drinks are set up. Snow grabs himself a cup, pouring a mixture of who knows what into it, and I grab a cup and pour in a bit of juice that someone had put out to mix with. 

“Cheers,” Snow says, tapping his cup against mine before gulping it back. I take a small sip, and then watch as he mixes himself another drink. 

I went to a party with Dev and Niall at the beginning of the year and I would assume that tonight will go much the same as that one. I followed them around while they found people they knew to chat with, and after they made the rounds and got sufficiently pissed, I dragged them back to the dorms. 

Snow’s good about it, introducing me to everyone he strikes up a conversation with, and while I try my best to smile and look involved, I never really end up saying much more than a “Hi,” and a “Nice to meet you.” 

We’ve gone through all the people he knows in the back and front yards, and are making our way through the living room when he pulls me up to a blonde girl that I think I might recognize. 

“Hey, Aggie!” he shouts, and I realize I’ve seen photos of her on Snow’s bulletin board, often sandwiched between him and Bunce. He doesn’t talk about her much though, not like Bunce. 

I dutifully follow him, and watch as he grabs her drink and slams it back. “God,” he whines, “I can’t believe you still drink straight vodka after what happened last year!”

She giggles, “Come on, if you’re not throwing up by the end of your eighteenth birthday, did you even turn eighteen?” Snow smiles and they easily slip into a chat about classes. 

Normally he would’ve introduced me by now, but it seems like he might be too preoccupied by her to remember my existence. I decide that I might as well get a juice refill while he flirts with his friend, but just as I’m turning away, she must realize I’m here. 

“Oh, hey, you must be Simon’s bloke, Baz right?” That’s a weird way to put it, and Simon must think so too because he’s blushing. It’s bringing out his freckles and it looks so delicious that it takes me a second to refocus on the conversation. 

“My roommate, Agatha.” He interjects, and she raises an eyebrow at him. 

He jabs her with his elbow. “Right, your roommate.” She says, glaring at him. She turns back to me. “Last name is Pitch?” I nod. “Cool, I’m Agatha. You might recognize my last name, Wellbelove? I think my dad has worked with yours a few times before?” The name sounds familiar, and after a moment I remember that he had worked with my father on some kind of health initiative for the Prime Minister. 

“Right, of course, nice to meet you, Agatha.” I hold out my hand but she pulls me into a hug. I’m too surprised to hug her back, but she’s still smiling at me as she pulls away. 

“I’ve heard so much about you from Simon! It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” 

“Same,” I say, trying to smile even though I’m a bit uncomfortable. Snow is frowning. 

“Anyways, Aggie, you were talking about this presentation you have to do?” and with that, Snow’s got all of her attention back on him. I’d say it was strange that after trying so hard to include me all night he’s suddenly so ready for me to be ignored, but after a second I realize he’s obviously into her and doesn’t want his roommate interrupting their conversation.

Once I figure that out, I begin to notice that as Snow drinks more and his alcohol level goes up, so does the amount of flirty arm touches and ridiculous smiles. Agatha comes across as pretty sober which makes it feel safe to leave Snow in her seemingly capable hands for at least a few minutes. I’m tired of watching the man I’m in love with flirt with somebody else. 

“I’m getting a refill!” I shout over the music, and Snow spares me a nod and a toothy grin before turning back to Agatha. It takes me a while to wind my way through all of the people, and by the time I make it back from the kitchen, I see that Snow has moved into the area cleared off for dancing. 

He’s got an arm around Agatha’s shoulders as they jump around to the pop music blaring out of the speakers, and it only takes a second to decide that now is as good of a time as any to leave. He doesn’t seem like he’ll need my help to get home tonight, I doubt he’ll end up anywhere but at Agatha’s. 

I shoot him a quick text just in case he does think to look for me later, and push my way out towards the door.

I make it to the door and it only takes a minute until I’m far enough away from the house that I can’t hear the music. 

I continue to wander down the street back towards the uni. I notice the playground we’d walked past on the way here, and decide to give myself a moment of peace before walking the rest of the way back to the dorms. 

I end up on one of the swings, holding it still with my feet while resting my head in my hands. It feels a tad dramatic to sit on a swing in the middle of the night trying not to cry about my straight roommate flirting with a girl, so I’m trying desperately to rein my feelings in. 

I think I’ve about got myself pulled together when I hear the sound of gravel crunching. I look up to see Snow stumbling his way towards me. I just stare at him as he gracelessly settles into the swing next to me. 

“Sick of the party?” he asks, his voice heavy and slow. 

“You weren’t alone any more. My duty was fulfilled.” 

“That didn’t mean you had to leave. I liked having you there.” He slurs, swinging back and forth gently. 

“Yea, well.” I say, trying not to read into that too much. “I’m surprised you’re not at Agatha’s right now.” 

He giggles. 

“What’s so funny about that?” I ask, a little offended that he’d laugh at me. 

“God, Baz, it’s just so not like that.” He’s still giggling and I’m blaming the alcohol for the endless snorting. 

“You were flirting with her a lot for “someone who’s not like that.”” I know I should let this go, but I want to ask him about her while we’re still on the topic. 

“We’re really just friends. We dated like ages ago but broke up because of how fucking terrible we were at it and then I figured out that-” He stops and gapes at me for a second. 

“What, Snow?” 

“Um, well I just figured out some things about myself and she was one of the people I could talk to about it.” He’s blushing now and I’m about to apologize for asking too many questions when he falls backwards off the swing. 

He’s laughing when he hits the ground and I am too, it's impossible to stay serious while he’s smiling. 

I go to give him a hand up, pulling him to his feet. He’s right in front of me, looking up into my eyes and I’m forcing myself not to look at his mouth.

“Thanks, Basil.” He whispers, and his warm breath dances across my face. 

I step back before I can think about his mouth any more.

“We’d better get back to the dorms, Snow. I can only pull you off the ground so many times.” He smiles. 

“Alright, let’s go home then.” 

We walk a few blocks in silence, but when we’re about a block away from campus Snow speaks again.

“So, Baz.” He says, still slurring a bit, “What is your type?”

The question catches me off guard. “My what?”

“Your type. Earlier you said that bloke from our project wasn’t your type, so what is it?”

I’ve recovered enough to play it more cool. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Yea, I would. I did ask.” He says back, and I laugh.

“Not sure, Snow. I’ll know it when I see it, I’m sure.” I try to dodge the question because anything I could say would be way too obvious. 

“So you haven’t seen it already?” He looks up at me, his eyes vulnerable. I can’t imagine why he’s this invested in getting an answer but I try to give him at least a piece of the truth.

“My type is… unavailable.” That’s a good word for it. I try not to sound too bitter but I’m not sure that I succeed. 

“Oh,” he says. “That’s tough.” He pauses. “I guess that’s why you haven’t had a boyfriend then?” 

“That’d be why, Snow.” We’re at our dorm now, and I pull out my keys to get in. 

“Wait, Baz?” 

“Yea?” I ask, turning to face him. 

In a flurry of movement he tugs at me, his arms looping up and reaching around my shoulders, pulling me into him. 

“I’m sorry, Baz. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.” Damn Snow and his kindness. I can’t cry right now.

“Thanks Snow. I’m alright though, really.” If I say it enough, maybe it’ll be true. 

He pulls back, and I finish unlocking the door. He stumbles to his bed and face plants into the blanket. 

He says something but it's muffled by his pillow.

“I didn’t catch that.” I call out, gathering up my pyjamas to bring to the toilets. 

“You looked beautiful tonight.” He says, and I feel myself blush. I’m trying to decide what a normal thing to say to that is when I hear the sound of a snore, and realize that Snow’s ability to fall asleep immediately has saved me.

This party wasn’t as much of a disaster as I was expecting, but Snow being soft and complimenting me and fucking hugging me might be enough to kill me. 

I manage to survive a few more weeks. I’ve started to believe that this could be bearable after all, that I could make it for the last few months of rooming with Snow without dying from exposure to his endless sunshine.

Then he invites me along to a party again. 

“Please Baz, I want to do something fun for your birthday weekend!” 

I deeply regret letting him meet Dev and Niall. I thought the embarrassing stories they told him about primary school would be bad, but it’s definitely worse that they told Snow when my birthday is. 

“I’d like to keep my regular tradition of getting pissed with my aunt if that’s alright with you.” 

“You can do that on your actual birthday! You have to come out with me on Friday though! Please?” He throws those cursed sad eyes at me, and I’m powerless. 

“God, Snow, fine! But you owe me breakfast the next morning.” 

“Deal!” He grins, and it makes my heart stop. 

I spend the rest of the week dreading the party and trying not to remember that the last time I was with him while he was drunk, he hugged me and called me beautiful. I’m definitely not hoping for it to happen again, even though it would be the best birthday present I’d ever received.

I’m in class Friday morning when I get a text from Snow

11:43 a.m.  **can i take you for a bday dinnr b4 the party? :)))**

I smile. It's just like Snow to text a question the second he thinks of it instead of waiting the 10 minutes until we’ll see each other. 

11:45 a.m.  _ It depends. Where would we go? _

He types, then stops, then types again.

11:47 a.m.  **Maccies? :D**

Of course that’s what he would suggest. Not one to turn down a chance to spend time with Snow, I immediately agree. 

11:47 a.m.  _ If you insist.  _

The class ends after a few minutes and I pack up my books to run and meet Snow in our usual spot. 

He’s already there and grinning at me as I walk up to him. 

“Excited for tonight now?” He asks, and his smile is blinding. 

I sigh to play it off, even though I’m obviously over the moon about it. “I guess there’s at least one good thing to look forward to. I’ll never be upset about getting food.”

He laughs. 

We chat about classes until the end of our break. 

“Want to leave by 7 tonight?” He asks as he stuffs the rubbish from lunch into his bag. 

“You know there’s a bin literally three steps away, right?” I comment, and he rolls his eyes before pulling the rubbish back out of his bag. He then stares me down as he takes the three steps and slowly drops it into the bin piece by piece. I try to hide my smile. He laughs as he tosses the last piece of rubbish in the bin, and I can’t help but join in.

“Anyways.” He says, still smiling while zipping up his bag. “7 is alright?” 

“Sure.” I answer, throwing my bag over my shoulder. “See you then.” 

He gives me another life ruining smile and dashes off to his class. 

I suffer through my last class of the day, spending the whole time contemplating what to wear tonight.

I make it back to our room and even though I spent the last hour thinking about it, I decide that nothing I own makes sense for supper at a fast food chain and a subsequent house party. I give up and revise for an exam until 5. I don’t feel like tackling my outfit yet, so I switch to messing with my hair and by the time I’m happy with it, 7 is fast approaching. I throw on some black skinny jeans and decide on a dark blue button up with a floral print. 

I’m finishing the last button as Snow flies into the room. 

“I know I’m a minute late! I’ll get you large fries to make up for it!” I smile as I turn to face him. 

He lurches a bit. “Wow, Baz um.” He pauses, his mouth gaping. 

“What, Snow? Do I have something in my teeth?” 

“No, uh.” He’s blushing, “It's just. Are those jeans new?”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “I got them over the holidays. Why?”

He swallows and my eyes are immediately drawn to his throat. Swallowing is always a showy production with him, one that I can’t look away from. 

“No reason.” He mumbles, before grabbing for a shirt off of his bed and changing into it. It's my turn to blush as he takes his shirt off, and I carefully avert my eyes, catching only a flash of his shoulder. 

“Off we go then?” Snow asks as he pulls on his shirt and a jacket, and I nod, reaching for my coat. We fall into an easy silence on the walk to dinner, and he doesn’t even ask what I’d like when we get there, just orders smoothly and grabs the bill.

“You know my Maccie’s order?” I’m a bit in awe of it, as ridiculous as it sounds. 

“Of course. I always remember when it comes to food.” He grins at me as we collect our order, and he slides in across from me in one of the booths shoved against a window. 

He launches into a story about Bunce and her group partner, but I’m struggling to pay attention because his foot is pressed up against mine under the table. I don’t want to move it because I’m ridiculously touch-starved, but I wonder why he hasn’t. I decide to assume that he didn’t even notice, but the second I settle on that, he moves his foot, pressing the side of it into my shin. 

He’s still talking animatedly and I’m trying to listen but I swear that if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was trying to play footsies with me right now. 

After a few moments, I refocus and actually join in on the conversation. I manage to relax a bit even though I’m still extremely aware of his foot pressed up against my leg. 

He asks me about an essay I have due on Tuesday, and I launch into a rant about how ridiculous it is because we got next to no instruction on it and the TA refuses to set up a meeting with me to discuss the expectations, and I realize how nice it is to say this out loud to someone else because I’ve been stressing out about it ever since it's been assigned. 

“Hey, Baz, I’m sure it’ll be okay.” He says, and then reaches out and sets his hand on top of mine, leaning in close. “You’re one of the most brilliant people I know, and I’d be scared for any person that stood in the way of you getting a good grade. I’m sure you’ll ace it.” And he looks so fucking sincere, and he’s  _ holding my hand _ and rubbing his thumb gently across my skin and I swear to God if he leans in even a centimeter more I’m going to close the gap, but he pulls back before I can work up the courage. 

“For tonight though, I think you should join me in getting thoroughly pissed and completely forgetting that uni exists.” I exhale and lean back in the booth, trying to recollect myself. I attempt a smile, but I’m a little shaken. 

He doesn’t seem to notice though, and I’m glad because it gives me another second to pull it together. 

“The house is a little closer than last time, but I’m sure the party’s started by now.”

“Yea, let’s head over then,” I say, because I need the presence of other people to stop me from doing something really stupid. I’m repeating a mantra in my head. 

_ Do not kiss your roommate, you will ruin things. It doesn’t matter that he’s gorgeous and kind, you will ruin things.  _

And as we step out onto the street and I don’t have to look him directly in his plain, stupidly beautiful eyes, I feel the desire to kiss him recede to the usual amount. 

The party goes much the same as last time. A different house, but in every other respect, completely identical. So identical in fact, that we end up talking to Agatha again. I try to be a little more involved this time now that I know I have no reason to be jealous, and am pleasantly surprised when she begins telling me about her classmate Ginger that she’s got a massive crush on. 

“What about you, Baz? I’m sure you’ve found someone at this school that strikes your fancy?” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. 

I blush. I allotted myself one gin and tonic for the night, and alcohol always makes me even more easily embarrassed. “Not yet.” 

She clucks, “That’s a shame, Baz. I’d throw my own hat in the ring if someone else wasn’t stopping me.” I see Snow glare at her, and she rolls her eyes. “Ginger obviously.” 

I smile. “The fact that I’m infinitely gay probably wouldn’t help your case either, Wellbelove. Thanks though.” She smiles at me before slamming back the rest of her drink. 

“I’m off to dance! Feel free to join!” She calls out over her shoulder, and I’m surprised to see that Snow doesn’t immediately follow. He’s had at least as much to drink as last time, but he seems a lot more quiet than he was that night. 

I say as much.

“Yea, not really feeling it tonight I guess.” He mumbles. 

“Do you want to leave?” I ask, and he nods. He weaves a bit as he follows me out, and he trips on his way down the stairs. 

“Whoa, there. Are you going to make it down the street?” I catch him by the shoulder. 

“Yea um, would it be alright if..?” He trails off as he loops his arm around my waist. “To help?” 

“Yea, no problem.” His warmth feels perfect in the cool February breeze. We stumble another block, and I’m doing my best to keep him on his feet. We’re walking past a bench, and he pauses before taking a step toward it. 

“Good Idea.” I set him down on the bench, and he leans forward, placing his face in his hands. I sit down beside him, wanting to help but not sure how. 

“Baz?” he whispers. 

“Yes, Simon?” I whisper back. 

“I’m going to tell you something, okay?” He pauses, and I wait, giving him time to get whatever it is out. 

He sighs. “I wanted to tell you earlier but then I chickened out and I thought it might be easier after a few drinks but then I was nervous and the drinks made me more nervous and now I just want to get it out so I can stop feeling nervous about it.” 

He sucks in a big breath. “I like boys.” He says, and I immediately freeze. I have no clue what I was expecting him to say, but it was not that. 

He laughs now although it comes out a bit choked and I can see a tear falling down his cheek as he sits up. “I thought saying it out loud would get easier.” 

“It does, Simon, I promise,” I say, gently setting my hand on his knee. “It’s okay, though! Um, welcome to the club.” I try to joke, and he smiles a bit but I can see that he’s still holding back tears. 

“Can I ask why you’re upset?”I don’t want to push him but I know how hard coming out can be. 

“Yea, um. Sorry, it’s just that the first time I said that, it was over the holidays, and, um. Well I told my foster father and he kind of lost it. He has some pretty wild beliefs and apparently one of them is being super homophobic. He threw me out that night and I ended up at Penny’s house and Agatha was over. So then the other time I like, said that I like boys out loud, I was explaining to them why I got kicked out. I’ve set a messy standard for coming out, I guess.” He’s a little scattered, and I’m not sure if it's because of the drinks or because of how upset he is, but either way I feel absolutely terrible for him. I wrap my arm around his shoulders, pulling him into me. He rests his head on my collarbone. 

“That’s fucking awful, Simon. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” I begin to tear up too, it's heartbreaking that he had to go through that. 

He takes a deep breath and sits back. “Yea, um. It’s alright though. He wasn’t super great anyways and I had pretty low expectations but you know, you always hope for the best.” I nod, understanding completely. 

“Penny and Agatha were great though, of course, and Penny let me crash at hers for the rest of the holiday so it was fine. We’ve even chatted about it and stuff lots since then so I don’t know why I was so worked up about telling you, it's not like you were going to be shitty about it.” 

“I get it. It's tough to be vulnerable, especially when you’ve just had a really bad experience. I completely support you and I’m here if you want to talk about it or ask questions, or anything.” He gives me a watery smile. 

“Thanks, Baz. You’re the best roommate I ever could’ve gotten, you know that right?” I blush. Even when he’s just been crying, he’s still the sweetest person. 

“You’re not too bad yourself.” I say.

“You might not be saying that after you finish dragging me home tonight.” He jokes, and I snort. I stand up and reach for his hand. He lets me pull him up, and places his arm around my waist again. 

We finish the walk home, and he seems to perk up a bit, although he’s certainly still managing to stumble over every crack in the sidewalk. 

We’re walking across the lawn towards our building when he says. “There was something else I wanted to tell you tonight too.” 

“Yea? I ask,”What’s that?” 

“I wanted to tell you at dinner but I wanted to tell you the other thing first. And I was too chicken to do the first part so I couldn’t do the second part.” He seems to have fully reverted back to the chatty drunk I remember from the last party. 

“And then I was going to say the other part on the bench but then I was crying and that felt like a bad time but I feel better now because being around you always makes me feel better and I’m not nervous about the first thing any more so now I can focus on the second thing. But now that I can focus on the second thing I’m getting nervous about it too so I’m just going to say it.”

He takes a deep breath.

“I realized I like boys because I really want to kiss you and I think I’m kind of in love with you.” He blurts out in a rush. 

“What?” I’m stunned. 

“And I don’t want to make things weird so if you aren’t into it then that's totally okay too, I promise I won’t be awful about it, and we can even just blame it on me being pissed if that’s easier for you, just let me know.” 

“Are you saying it just because you’re pissed?” I can’t fathom a reality where Snow actually has feelings for me, and him only saying it because he’s drunk is making more sense to me right now.

“What?” He seems surprised,”Obviously not, I’m just saying you could blame it on that if me having feelings for you makes things weird.”

“Um.” I'm speechless. 

He makes a face as the silence continues to stretch. “Fuck, I have made things weird, haven’t I? I’m sorry, I had to put it out there just in case there was a chance that, well obviously there isn’t a chance and that really is okay. I promise we can pretend-” 

I finally pull myself together enough to interrupt him. “There’s a chance, Snow.” 

His mouth hangs open, “Really?” 

“Really.” 

He beams at me, and I know I’m blushing ridiculously. 

“So, um, can I kiss you?”

“You could, but…” I trail off, trying to think of a way to say this.

“But, Baz?” He asks, concern written across his face. 

“I just, um, I want to know that you mean it, I guess? And I know you said that you aren’t saying this just because you’re pissed, but I’m still a little worried that you are, and I guess I think that you might wake up tomorrow and forget that this happened.” 

Snow giggles. 

“What?” I ask, and even I can hear how defensive I sound.

He stops laughing and pulls together a serious face, although I can still see a smile threatening to break out. “Sorry, Baz, you’re right. I mean you’re wrong, I definitely mean it, but you’re right about me possibly forgetting this. I want my memory of our first kiss to be clear. So I’ll try again when I’m sober, yea?” 

I smile, “Alright, Snow. It’s a deal.” 

“Glad that’s settled.” He grabs my hand and tugs me after him into our building and towards our dorm. He only trips once, and I manage to grab him before he faceplants into the floor. I unlock our door and he follows me in. I go to collect my pyjamas to take to the toilets, but he’s still following right behind me. 

“Can I help you with something, Snow?” I turn to face him and he pulls me into a hug, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. I all but melt into him, and we stand there clutching each other for what feels like an eternity. He pushes up onto his toes and presses a kiss to my cheek. 

“That one doesn’t count, right?” He whispers as he pulls back. 

“I guess it’s allowed.” The words come out in a breath, and I’ve never been closer to kissing him, especially now that there’s a possibility he would actually want me to. I think about stealing a kiss from him while I can, but I decide that knowing the feel of his mouth against mine, knowing how he tastes, would make it that much harder if he wakes up tomorrow and tries to take back everything he’s said. 

So instead, I take a step back. “Have a good sleep, Snow.” 

“You too, Baz.” He whispers, and he gives me a small smile before turning and collapsing into his bed. I take my things to the toilets and finish my nightly routine, although I can’t imagine that I’ll get any sleep tonight. 

I must manage to doze off eventually, because I wake up to someone whispering my name. 

“Baz? Bazzzzzz?” 

“What, Snow?” I whine as I roll over. 

“Breakfast! I promised!” I open my eyes to see him sitting on his bed, beaming at me. “Hurry up!” 

“God, Snow, give me a minute.” I’m not at all a morning person and as memories of last night come flooding in, I’m feeling a bit on edge. While I was trying to fall asleep I thought of a dozen different ways Snow would act this morning, but I did not come up with a scenario where he woke me up to get breakfast and didn’t say anything. 

“I’ll be back in ten, you’ll be ready by then?” He asks, moving to tug on his shoes. 

“If I have to be,” He just smiles at me before disappearing through the door. The second it shuts I jump out of bed and frantically try to put myself together. I end up going for some kind of bun and whatever jeans and shirt I can find, and am pulling on my socks when Snow returns. 

“Let’s go Baz! Birthday Weekend Breakfast!” He’s bouncing around, and I have no idea how he can have so much energy, he must be feeling at least a bit hungover. He’d have to be, if he got pissed enough to completely forget last night. I’ve decided that he must have forgotten otherwise he would’ve said something about it by now, right? At least an awkward apology about saying things he didn’t mean or something. I’m currently repressing my feelings about that and leaving them alone until tomorrow night. Birthday drinks with Fiona will be the perfect time to mope. 

“Yes, Snow, you’ve said.” Every second we go without talking about last night rips even further into the small shreds of hope I’m still clinging to. I follow him out the door, praying that we’re not going to Maccie’s again. Twice in 24 hours is too much for me. 

It seems like he’s leading me farther into campus, and I realize we’re probably going to the cafe he likes, mostly because he’s good friends with Ebb, the owner. 

He’s chattering at me about school and I’m trying to follow along but I’m also thinking of every possible way to avoid him for the rest of term in case I say something embarrassing about last night and can’t stand to look him in the eyes anymore. By the time we’re walking through the cafe doors, I decide that moving in with Fiona and commuting for two hours every day to get to class wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

I step up to the till but he pushes me back before rattling off my ridiculous coffee order, and again, I’m so touched by him knowing something about me. He turns to grin at me after paying. 

“I ordered a few scones too, I hope that works for breakfast. I know you mostly just care about the coffee anyways.”

“That should suffice, Snow.” I smirk at him and he rolls his eyes before leading me to a table. We chat a bit more before our order is called, and then he’s back in a second with our coffees and some fruit scones. 

As I finish sipping my coffee and he ploughs through the pile of scones he bought, I begin to think that maybe he really did completely forget last night, and we’ll be able to carry on as we had been. I’d really rather not move to Fiona’s and it's much better to pine after Snow while we’re friends than it would be if we were awkward ex-roommates. 

As we’re leaving the shop though, Snow pulls me over to a bench in one of the small gardens that are around campus. He sits on the bench, and pats the space beside him. I try to brush off any comparisons to last night that begin forming. 

“So,” Snow says, looking at me expectantly as I sit down.

“So?” I ask, not willing to take a guess at where this is going. 

“Last night?”

“What about it, Snow?” I refuse to give anything away before I know what he’s thinking. 

“Um, well I guess, I know I said a lot of things and was kind of a mess, but I’m glad I said them and um, just wanted to see what you thought of all of it?” He’s blushing and I want to kiss every single mole that’s standing out against the red creeping up his cheeks. 

“I think it’s absolutely terrible that you had to go through that with your foster father, I really am sorry.” I don’t know how much he remembers so I decide to start with the first bit. 

“Yea, um, thanks. But what about the later stuff I said, while we were walking?” 

I resolve to stay at least somewhat vague. “About your feelings?” 

He nods, and the blush turns an even deeper shade of red. “Yea, um, I kind of confessed that I was in love with or whatever and you never really said much back, not that I remember at least. It is a bit fuzzy but I definitely remember telling you that.”

I’m not sure if my heart is clenched because I’m excited or nervous. It still feels like he’s going to say that it was a mistake. 

He goes on. “So yea. I do have those feelings for you, wanted to confirm that while I was sober like you said, and I, uh wanted to see if I really do have a shot at getting you to feel the same?” 

I can’t help the enormous smile that breaks out across my face. 

“Is that a yes? Or are you laughing at me?” He looks completely confused and it's so adorable and he’s so sweet and  _ he says he’s in love with me _ and I’ve wanted this for so long that I can’t hold myself back anymore. 

I reach for him, cupping his neck with one hand and yanking him closer with the other. In another instant, I’ve got my mouth pressed to his and I feel him pause for a moment before he comes to life. 

He starts moving his chin and I’m sighing into his mouth because this feels better than I ever could have possibly imagined. We pull a part after a few moments, both of us breathless. 

“Wow,” Simon whispers, and I laugh. 

“Yea, wow.” I echo, absolutely amazed that I really just kissed  _ Simon Snow _ . 

He stares at me, hope written across his face. “Does that mean you’d want to do that again?” 

“God, Snow.” I laugh again, “I’ve wanted to kiss you since we met, of course I want to.” 

He frowns at me. “Why didn’t you say something?” 

“I guess I thought you were straight. And we didn’t talk that much before the holiday, and after that I didn’t want to mess up our friendship.”

He rolls his eyes, grinning. “I’ve been flirting with you at least since the start of this term. I was trying to be obvious.” 

I blush. “I’m sorry. But I do want this.” I take a deep breath, ready to confess, “I’m kind of in love with you too.” 

He blushes too, before pulling me back into him. After a few more minutes, I lean back to come up for air. 

“Snow?” I whisper. 

“Yea, Baz?” His smile is unfairly beautiful.

“You know we’ve got a room to do this in, right?”

He laughs, “That might be a little more comfortable.” 

Snow yanks me off the bench, and holds my hand as we walk back to our room. I don’t even try to hide the smile on my face, and Snow’s grin is heart stopping as he pulls me along behind him, seeming as eager as I am to start along on whatever’s coming next for us. 

  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


  
  



End file.
